he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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