We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
