Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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