six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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