I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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