It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize