you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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