just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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