lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
