bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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