i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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