Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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