My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
