Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
