I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
