I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
