I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
