Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
