As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
