just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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