She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
