um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
