Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
