That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
