You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize