I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
