So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
