Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
