I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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