party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
