I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
