i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
