You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
