I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
