but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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