we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
