the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He shit in the fireplace
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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