You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
