If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
