After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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