Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
