Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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