I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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