home. puking in laundry basket.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
