Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
