i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
