S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
