I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
