she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Two words: blizzard sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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