yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
