i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
