I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
