yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
