you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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