Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
