the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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