I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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