I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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