it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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