trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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