Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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