So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
