so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
