Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
