The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
