He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just gift wrapped bread.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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