I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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