my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize