Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
