I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
