i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
