u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
