i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is wine microwaveable?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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