walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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