peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
