Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
