he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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