This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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