some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
