i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
