I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
