all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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