I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
