Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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