I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
