Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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