I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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