So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
