The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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