So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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