I am puke
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
