Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
